Proverbs 24:16

 Okay, in the words of my father (flesh and blood thus no caps), it’s time for me to be “intense.” I have been thinking a lot about righteousness lately. What? Doesn’t everybody question their righteousness when they breakup? No? Hmm.  

Anywho, I have been constantly reminding myself of Proverbs 24:16 “For though a righteous man, man falls seven times, he rises again” for months now and how Jesus chose the people that society would ALWAYS want to judge.  All social groups judge “sexual deviants,” the “thieves,” and the “betrayers” and therefore Jesus chose Mary Magdalene, Zaccheaus, and Judas.  I think he did this to humble Christians of all cultures for all generations.  We ALWAYS want to judge.  We want to think we are not that bad and we want to make someone else the reason we know it. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life.  I am so easy to judge.  I know because the good little CCK girl in me has been judging me every single day for about 15 years.  So I keep reminding myself of Proverbs 24:16.   

            Today, I looked it up and the second half caught my attention, “but the wicked are brought down by calamity.”  You know what I found interesting about this?  To EVERBODY, they look the same.  They both fall.  The wicked and the righteous are both flat on their faces (or asses).  You can’t tell which is which until later.  Crazy right?  We all like to believe in the whole “good tree bears good fruit and bad tree bears bad fruit” concept so we can judge when people fall.  But the truth of the matter is that we ALL (unless of course you are neither righteous not wicked and theologically speaking, I don’t think that is possible) end up flat on our faces (or asses) beggin’ for forgiveness and hoping that we are one of the ones that “rises.” 

            If you are wondering, yes, I am in fact flat on my ass (I usually fall in that direction due to gravity pulling me in that direction due to it being bigger and all) and getting up on a soap box.  I just don’t like judgment much.  I don’t like being judged and I don’t like people judging the ones I love.  Guess what.  I don’t think God does either.  He sure didn’t take kindly to people judging Mary, Zaccheaus or Judas (you can look it up).  So there it is.  I am walkin’ around barely breathing praying like crazy that I can be the one that rises again. 

Things I Learned This Weekend

1. Though I am 28, I can still be escorted to the front of the line and not pay cover.  This is when most people say, “I still got it.”  I, however, never had it and still don’t have it. What I have are extremely attractive friends. : )

2. Only eating fruits and vegetables for three weeks = 0 alcohol tolerance (learned the hard way).

3. If you break up with someone over the phone to avoid seeing them ever again, it is quite possible that you COULD, in fact, see them again only days after a really painful breakup and they COULD, in fact, tell all their friends (and yours) about it and make you feel quite bad for about an hour. 

4. I am no longer cool or in the music scene.  Instead, I am cranky around crowds and not that excited about many of the newer bands.

5. I love my pool.

6. Curry has no dairy or wheat (favorite lesson).

7.  Cleaning my car and cleaning my house does not actually make the heartbreak go away (least favorite lesson).

8. Sleep does cause it to subside momentarily.

9. Cheney was the youngest to be selected as Secretary of Defense by George H.W. Bush (probably the only lesson that is not entirely self involved).

10. Macguyver’s first name was Angus (Thank you 80’s trivia night).

Slow to Learn

I grew up in a strange world.  My childhood and adolescence were spent in a place where love was literally forbidden.  If you had feelings for someone and you showed them in any way, you would be expelled from school and youth group (therefore no social life whatsoever).  This was not much of a problem for me.  I had my heart under lock and key.  Besides a slight misguided crush that I never did anything about, I steered clear of any chance to get hurt. 

When I was 21 (but the emotional/relational stunted age of about 13), I met a silver-tongued Casa Nova and he set his eyes on me and no matter how many times I told him no, he kept pursuing me.  (Lesson learned: persistence works on me).

            I will spare you the ups and downs of my sparse and devastating love life.  The moral to this story is that I remember my dad saying something to me when I was in high school that seemed silly as a young girl who clearly had everything so together because I could follow the rules like a champ but sure came to mind later on in life.  He said “Kristin I am most worried about when you fall in love, because when you love, you never stop.”  What a nice thing to say, Daddy, since me following all these rules means that Prince Charming will come for me and I will know he is “The One” and loving to the death will be perfect.  (Side note: anyone else see how Disney and certain churches’ relationship beliefs are oddly similar?)

            Well guess what.  My dad had every right to be worried.  In the end, I have truly loved twice now and let me tell you, loving till the death can be quite gruesome.  But that stupid little girl inside me still believes that “all you need is love” and if I just keep loving, how can happily ever not be just around the corner?   Because of course we are all imperfect until we meet the one that completes us, right?  The best lesson I could learn is not to withhold love, but know when to cut my losses.  I know there is nothing romantic about it but it is a lot more real than all the other clichés I have used in this fairy tale don’t you think?  I just wish I could know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. 

I am not interested in badmouthing my boyfriends (okay I am but I won’t cause it’s wrong)(Okay I probably will to certain friends but not here).  I wish I could learn some lessons in this department.  I swear I am like a 16 year old screaming “but daddy I love him!” on the inside and a bitter 28 year old woman on the outside and there just seems to be no reconciling the two.  I am a damn mess!  And I am sad.  Heartbreaks suck; I don’t care how old or how strong you are. 

Everyone I know just wants to say “I told you so” and do a victory dance when I turn around because that has been my fate.

Things I Love About Kimmy

So today I am in a fowl mood.  There it is.  I admitted it.  The bus driver was a total jerk to me when I couldn’t find my bus pass, I am really devastated by the arbitration award, I am tired of being broke and my health being crappy is on my last nerve.  I should be having a great day today.  Larry is in a MUCH better mood this week and he is climbing Granite Mountain this morning so I’ve all morning to catch up.  However, everyone is on my nerves and I am just cranky.  So what better thing to do than to think positive thoughts about someone else!  Today’s lucky winner……KIMMY!

Things I love about Kimmy.

1. Kim was born country, she’ll die country.  And I will make sure they play a country song at her funeral. (In the unlikely event I outlive her)…(very unlikely)
2. She has a sensitive heart (a rare jewel in our family of hard asses).
3. I absolutely adore her beautiful eyes (though I am a bit partial to the blue one).
4. She is the ultimate example in my life of humble strength.  She can let her emotions out and be honest about them but it does not in any way make her weak.  My sister has been a pillar of strength her whole life.  She is just too humble to realize it. 
5. She is probably the only good communicator in my family.  : )  Yet I learned nothing. : (
6. Kimmy is such a loyal friend.  She has had some of the same friends her whole life.  And honestly, some of them have treated her like crap at times.  But she loves them through all of it. 
7. She’s got gumption.
8. The woman can bake AND cook unbelievably well. 
9. Kimmy never stopped believing in love.  And in my opinion, she had reason to. 
10. I love, love, love, her valley girl / Tennessee accent.
11. The fact that she messes up all the old maxims. (i.e. “$#*t or get off the horse.”)
12. She married my favorite brother in law.  So cool points for that!
13. She still blushes at dirty jokes. 
14. Kimmy sings like an angel.
15. Kim always knows the current hip hop music and for some reason it cracks me up more the older we get that she sings along and “breaks it down.”
16. Kim gets super passionate about certain things and then she gets embarrassed and apologizes. 
17. Kim is such a GIRL!
18. Grandma Scribbles.  Nuff said. (Intentionally misspelled to express personality, Dad.)
19. Kim’s favorite candy is PEZ.
20. While the rest of the world stopped saying “rad” and “totally” somewhere during the early to mid 90s and started saying them again in the last few years, Kim never waivered.
21. She is one smart cookie!!!
22. Kimmy as a great sense of humor.  Mostly I love that even though she doesn’t get all of the jokes Katrina or Jason or I quickly respond to each other, she still laughs at us. 
23. I love Kimberly Dawn Kelly for being 4.5 years older than I am.  Every single year, I love her a little more for this.
24. I love that as different as we are, we are such a great pair and I am so glad we are experiencing life and learning its lessons together.

I have to stop at 24 because otherwise my sisters will get in an all-out- brawl over which one I love more.  No seriously.

Arbitration Award

So my attorney told me what the arbitrator awarded today.  It was no bueno.  It is not enough to cover all the medical bills and my attorney fees.  My attorney thinks even the small amount I was awarded is going to be appealed by Allstate's attorney.  (Yes I said Allstate - do no get your insurance through them, they are known for using their deep corporate pockets to screw people)  Anyway.  With the amount I got, I will still end up having to pay an additional $5K out of pocket (on top of the $5K I already did pay out of pocket).  So in this case, I have nothing to lose.  And if they do appeal it and I get the same or more at trial, they will have to pay the award plus the attorneys' fees.  So in this particular case, it could be beneficial to me if they appeal.  However, I am very disappointed and discouraged and would really like to just catch a break. 

Things I Find Amusing about Katrina

1. Even though she shows absolutely no emotion on the soccer field she behaves exactly like my father and gets extremely worked up while watching a soccer game.
2. She has "always wanted" to do everything.
3. For as long as I can remember, eating makes her sick.
4. Telling her to calm down pisses her off. : )
5. Since I can remember, Katrina has never left her home without a spare swimsuit on her person or in her car.
6. Whenever she has been in any kind of car accident, she shys away from getting insurance information or even attempting to make the guilty party pay for the damages.
7. She is so OCD that when Tyson or I (or both) go into her room and move things around, it results in a full blown panic attack and she ends up in the fetal position.
8. I cannot recall one time that Katrina wished she was older.  In fact, Katrina promised my parents that she would remain 5 forever.  I am not sure anyone can accuse her of breaking that promise.
9. Katrina has an amazing natural balance that makes her able to attempt any sport and be rather good at it. (though we have yet to see her try tightrope walking, I am confident she should do well)
10. Katrina is near sighted and far sighted, which is just confusing.
11. Katrina is really intelligent and wants to do a lot of things with her life, none of them more than to be a wife and mother with a team of children.
12. Katrina CANNOT STAND feeling unoriginal.
13. She likes mindless children's programs.
14. She has still not figured out exactly why my family called her animal as a child (or the effect it had on her psyche).
15. Katrina hates meatloaf.  My mom thinks Katrina loves meatloaf.  Katrina always smiles, says thanks mom and eats the meatloaf. (This one makes me die laughing every time)
16. Katrina actually sings her ABCs in her head while washing her hands.
17. If Katrina notices that someone uses the bathroom but is not in there long enough to have washed their hands, she is appalled.  If they touch anything on her desk, she will throw it away and disinfect her hands immediately.
18. Katrina has always been fascinated by elephants, slugs, ants and "rolley-poleys."
19. To this day, we don't let Katrina pray for the food before dinner because she likes to thank Jesus for so much, the food gets cold.
20. Katrina still has no idea what would happen to her after the count of 10 (disciplinary child raising tactics) and she is still very afraid to find out.
21. Katrina likes everything my dad likes.
22. I have yet to see a picture Katrina doesn't look good in. 
23. She is the only person who can get my dad to not only agree to a picture, she can get him sot smile and pose for them.
24. Katrina is the only person who can make me do things I do not want to do.

I think 24 is a good number to end with.  There are any of the other things about Katrina that amuse me but it would violate the sister's code of secrecy to repeat them.  Enjoy.

Arbitration Complete

           For those of you who were praying for my arbitration, thank you.  For those of you who were not praying for my arbitration (or at least willing good things), you can stop reading my blog because I don't like you anymore.  :) Just Kidding

            I think it went pretty well and my attorney said things went pretty well also. My star witness was a champ! (Dad ; )  I think he said about 10 words. But it was great. The arbitrator has two weeks to make her decision and send it to us. Then we have to pray that opposing counsel will weigh the pros and cons and just pay the award (whatever it is) instead of refusing and appealing to trial. So if you guys could keep it in your thoughts and prayers, I would still appreciate it.

           Also, I woke up this morning with hives (so my whole “I’m just not going to worry about it” – FAIL).