Morning Mysteries

I have read many blogs with funny stories, happy memories or exciting adventures on bus rides.  Those things do not happen on my bus.  My morning bus ride begins with everyone silently lining up for the bus in an orderly, single file line.  When the bus comes, we all get onto the bus without much discussion.  Perhaps a few people will murmur a good morning to the bus driver (not many since our driver changes daily) but that is it.  By the time the bus leaves my stop, it is usually full.  It will have reached maximum occupancy.  Some people get a little irritated by the person who squeezes in next to them.  This always perplexes me because the bus is full EVERY day so how someone entertains the idea of personal space is beyond me.

            Please understand that I like taking the bus for 3 reasons: 1) because I have terrible road rage therefore taking the bus keeps me from murder 2) because it allows me time to read and 3) it saves me SO much money.  However, there are mornings that the negative certainly outweigh the positive.  For example last week, a young woman asked to sit in between 2 women on a bench that is supposed to sit three and the woman on the left yells out (literally yells) “I am not putting my bag on the ground!”  Let me translate that to bus commuter lingo for you: I think you should stand for anywhere from 45-90 minutes because my bag is more important than you, even though you paid money for that seat and my bag did not.  Then young woman said, okay fine I just need a place to sit and squeezed in so all of us on the opposite side of the bus got to enjoy her angry, self-absorbed expression all the way in.  While I wanted to verbally assault this wretch of a woman, this is in fact not the worst of the bus riding dilemma. 

Many times when I am taking the bus, I am perplexed by how certain people seem unable to wipe their ass.  Seriously.  On several occasions, I have had someone sit next to me only to be completely overwhelmed by the aroma of poop (I only use that word for my parents’ sake).  I have learned to avoid certain riders for their fowl aromas but sometimes I will be silently reading a book and someone will sit down next to me and I literally gag.  Last week was one such experience.  I almost vomited on the bus it made me so sick by the end of the ride.  This morning, I had I was about to take a seat on an empty bench at the front of the bus when a realization occurred to me: every time I get that terrible smell of a poorly wiped ass, it is on that bench.  So I wondered, what if it is the bench?  So I sat in the front row or forward facing seats.  Sure enough, when someone sat on that bench I was overwhelmed by the terrible aroma of poop.  It is IN the bench!  This is absolutely disgusting I know but the good news is that I can now avoid the smell of unwiped ass! 

And this, my friends is why I want to hurt people who say my commute is easier than theirs because I don’t drive it.  Until you have been trapped in the smell of someone else’s fart for an hour or had someone drool on your shoulder first thing in the morning, don’t talk to me about commuting, okay pumpkin? J