Forever

I am sorry I haven’t blogged more recently.  I have been so busy at work that when I have tried, I got about a sentence down and that was it.  This weekend was beautiful but it was a hard weekend for me.  I have struggled with relationships (the romantic kind) for a very long time now.  I am very bad at gauging fight or flight.  I just always fight.  I am serious.  I have been in some relationships that have been not so good for me and with men who have been not so good to me.  But who I am and who I have always been, is someone who just sees the best and quickly forgets the worst.  It sounds like a great characteristic right?  Well it is also the same characteristic that keeps women in abusive relationships.  It makes women appear weak and stupid (the two characteristics I hate most). 

             It is a long story with me and this predicament yet I am just no more the wiser than I was at 21 when I met my first boyfriend.  So my response to people is that I am happy on my own and feel safer single.  Marriage is just not for me.  I am sickened by all the cute pictures of trendy young couples that flaunt there “love” for each other.  I can’t help but think in the back of my mind that they have no idea what they are getting themselves into.  They are naïve.  I wish them the best of luck. 

            Sometimes I think that it is just “in the stars” for some people to be lucky in love but that has just not been my fate.  Any time anyone says anything to the effect that there is a prince charming out there for me or my perfect mate literally angers me.  I want to ask them if they are a psychic or if they are just accidentally word vomiting into my life. 

             I know this seems cynical to you and sorry if it does.  The point of all this is that I was catching up on Little Sister’s blog today and I saw this picture and my eyes filled with tears. 

            I don’t know what it is about a couple that has loved each other for so many years that reaches my insides.  Maybe it is because deep down it is what I want or at least what I used to want.  The truth is, I think I could love someone forever, or at least I could have.