Communication

I am finding that while I have the ability to communicate my thoughts clearly, I am really bad at communicating...still. My whole life, I have clammed up when in emotional situations. If I get frustrated, angry, hurt, or any other deep emotion, I suddenly cannot speak. I have never been able to overcome this issue. Days later, when I am no longer in the heat of the moment, I can formulate my thoughts and explain exactly what I think or feel on the situation, but never in the moment. On one occasion, when I was in Master's Commission, I received 8 hours of Monday club from my house parents (this was after weeks of Monday club from my house parents). To add insult to injury, when they asked my plans for the weekend and I told them I had Monday club all day on Monday, they asked me why I had Monday club. I told them they gave it to me. It turns out they didn't realize "needs improvement" meant I got Monday club, they just felt we can always improve. I was so frustrated and I told my intern and she told me I still had to serve to teach me that I need to learn to communicate. Well guess what...apparently I never did. Now, I am finding the problem is much worse in relationships. I never communicate what I am thinking or feeling or even respond when someone else is communicating their feelings and thoughts. It is a problem. I just can't seem to fix it. I have a horoscope taped to my monitor that my coworker printed out for me (she prints them out for us every week. lol) that says "If you've been lazy about articulating your meaning or needs, then please activate your deeper intelligence." I just don't know how to overcome this. Why am I so afraid to speak? Any words of wisdom out there on how to beat this?