Unstable

I think I am currently emotionally unstable. I was having a pretty good day today. I was staying positive and trying not to let the small stuff bother me (as I often have to do working in this law firm) and all of a sudden this afternoon a wave of sadness came over me that I just can't shake. I have pretty much been wavering between bursting into tears or melting into a fit of rage for the last month. Which of course has resulted in me working harder, more quietly and with short answers to the people I work with. : ( which I do feel bad about. So this week I have been attempting to pick my broken spirits up and try to let go of some of the anger. But of wourse when I do that, I realize how much sadness it was masking. So I have developed a new coping mechanism...solitaire. I found out my phone has solitaire and I have been playing it anytime I am not at work or sleeping (I even play it when a movie is on or I am with people) to keep the tears from coming. I really just don't want to be sad anymore. I can honeslty say that I have sepnt more of the last 7 years sad over some guy that broke my heart than I have been happy with some guy who will eventually break my heart. I just want to be fine now. I want to be fine with being alone, fine with the fact that the relationshps I have tried did not work out, fine with the possibility that perhaps I will always end up alone. I just want to be fine.