Cranky

I am cranky today. Little sister and Stephanie have both said I am nasty today. I am irritated and frustrated and I don't really know why. I just like to be left alone when I am focused and that never happens here. There is always someone trying to talk to me and I have been trying so hard to get so much done this week, I have worked a lot of late nights and I am just getting annoyed I guess.

Or maybe it is how irritated I am by the fact that every man I have attempted to let in but screwed it up with me is contacting me this month. Why is it so easy to let me go as a girlfriend but not one of them will ever let go completely? Why does friends matter so much to these guys? I mean seriously. I don't really keep friends that break my heart. And I am still hurting a little over the fact that the one "good guy" I found just got scared because some stupid woman treated him bad and he took it out on me by not giving me a chance.

Or maybe it is the holidays. I have never really liked the holidays (particularly Christmas). The only thing I did like about them was buying gifts for my family and making them smile, I have not been able to really do even that the last few years and I feel SO ALONE during the holidays.

Or maybe it is being out of school too long. I will never forget something my mom said to me once. She said "Kristin you are stressed out when you are in school but you become downright cranky when you are not in school." (paraphrasing) lol. I had never been conscious of it but it is true. When I don't feel like I am moving in the direction of my dreams I get really frustrated. I have been out of school for almost a year and while I am enjoying my life, I am turning 28 in 2 weeks and the fact that I am not in law school bothers me. Especially since I work with a 29 year old attorney. Who has been practicing for about 5 years.

Maybe it is all of those things combined. Maybe it is that I have been living in my apartment for 4 months and I don't even have a couch! Who knows. I need a beer. Thank God it is Friday.