Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tired
I am sad and tired. I am tired of being broke. I am tired of being stressed out all the time. I am tired of feeling like a failure or like I am just barely making it. I am tired of having minimum wage jobs that treat me like crap. I am tired of busting my ass all day every day. I am tired of heartbreak. I am tired of being alone for years and then when I finally let someone in they treat me like an old shoe. I am tired of living with my parents (though I appreciate them and everything they have done and it has been a blessing that they have let me stay with them). I am tired of this numb feeling that comes from being unable to change the things in my life that make me unhappy. I am tired of telling myself that if I can just hang on, I will reap the blessing later. Truth is, part of me doesn't believe it. Or maybe most of me doesn't believe it. I am tired of secretly believing I am fighting for a lost cause: myself. I feel like I am never going to be smart or successful or happy or in love but I just keep trying my hardest to fool everyone around my into thinking I will be someday. I am tired of being afraid to try change my life cause I will only fail and that would be worse that what I have now. Maybe I am at that point where things are gonna get better right around the corner? Or maybe I am just too tired.
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I'm sorry you're so tired. I've been pretty tired of some things too. I hope things start to turn a corner for you soon ;-)
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Kim
That was the most depressing and painful thing I've ever read--- I'm grateful for your honesty- I just don't want you to feel that way or believe it in your deepest heart. I'm praying for you, and I certainly don't see you as a lost cause by any means- out of ashes rise beauty, and to the broken and lowly-in-heart the Lord comes. The Lord stands outside of time...remember that, so it's never too late for Him to accomplish what we've been crying out for.
ReplyDeleteI think you are quite a force. And I DO believe that this year holds a handful of adventures and answers for you- this really is going to be your year. The darkest hour is before dawn, right?
<3 Stink.