4 x 7

There have been many times in my life when I have felt like others just don't seem to understand how much I have to accomplish in a week to make my life work and keep my head above water.  I am certainly at another time like that.  It is hard to explain to people, without sounding like I am whining or making excuses, that every moment of my day has to be accounted for.  Even writing this blog is not a wise use of my time and I know that.  I worked all day, every day this week in hopes to spend today doing nothing with my boyfriend.  However, when I woke up this morning I realized I still had too much to do to take a day off.  I have a paper to re-write, extra homework to do tomorrow since they added classes and I had a hypo to write and turn in to my group this morning.  I get up early (as early as I can drag my tired ass out of bed), I study, I go to class, listen, learn, and participate in front of a class of one hundred, sometimes I get grilled by professors on my knowledge of the material, study some more, go to class again, study some more, go home, study some more, and usually about 12-15 hours later, I spend an hour relaxing before I pass out.  I don't have time for phone calls, personal responsibilities, friends and family, shit I don't even have time to do my job.

This week I got in trouble at work for not putting in enough hours, I got a very discouraging grade on my mid-term, and I realized that I am not sure I can make my money stretch as much as it needs to.  It was a very challenging week.  And I noticed when I tried to explain it, people can't seem to understand.  Maybe because the idea of "being in school" doesn't seem that challenging to most people who have finished their educations and have been working in the real world.  To be honest, I really thought law school was going to be pretty similar to undergrad and everything was going to be fine.  I worked full time in undergrad and kept an A average.  I have worked in law firms for 11 years.  How could it be that hard?  Well let me tell you, this is the hardest thing I have ever done and I am not even sure that using every moment and brain cell I have to give, that I can do it.  I wish I could explain better but I can't.  I just beg your patience with me.  I know that I am not able to be there for everyone like I should be.  I love you, I just don't have time for you.  I don't even have time for me.  Well I better get back to it.