Racism

  I don't know if there is anyone out there who knows this about me, but I HATE RACISM.  I hate that our American history is the definition of cruelty and genocide.  I hate that America's success is intertwined with suffering and exploitation of African Americans and Native Americans.  I hate that people today refuse to look around them and see just how current the issue of racism is in our society.  I hate that people don't want to take the time to listen to the other side of the story.  I hate that people think racist jokes are funny.  I hate that the only way people believe cruelty and racism still exist is if they see a video and even still America wants to believe that it is the exception to the rule and not the rule.  I hate that a high school boy in a hooded sweatshirt on his way home from the corner market for iced tea for himself and skittles for his step brother can be shot because racial profiling is so widely accepted and has been for so long.  I hate that my friend crosses the street if he sees a lady walking alone because he knows how afraid she is of him.  I hate that people a symptom and call it the disease instead of spending a little time and hard work to find the true cause of the disease.  I hate that I see people I love hurt every day by an America who refuses to acknowledge anything is wrong.  

   I apologize for my rant.  Actually, no I don't.  It's just that the more I learn the more heartsick I become to find how racism is still so alive and well.  I just learned about the sterilization practices on non-consenting patients being targeted particularly at Hispanic and Black minorities as well as the "mentally deficient" in the last 100 years.  The statistics made me sick to my stomach.  And yet we are so self righteous in condemning the Nazis.  If you are even now justifying these practices because of your own racist mindsets or denying that there is a problem, congratulations, you are what's wrong with  the world today.  

Week 5

Things I did wrong this week:

 - underestimated how much time it would take to finish a paper on Sunday.  Result: I turned in a memo I am not even close to proud of.

 - I made my boyfriend go get me an ice cream bar at about 11:00 PM. I literally begged him.  Result: Shame and cellulite.

 - Didn't fully read my homework assignment for contracts.  Result: Didn't finish reading the last case before class and further resulted in me using the time I had planned on reading my criminal law reading, thus not completing that either.

 - Set my alarm for 6:00 AM.  Woke up at 8:45 AM.  Don't ask me how, it's a total mystery. Result: Missed class for Torts.

 - Haven't worked out once. Result: Need I tell you?

 - I ate pop tarts for dinner last night. Result:  So much shame.

Is this week over?  I'd like to put it behind me and forget it ever happened.

Life as a 1L

I realize I have been terrible since I started law school.  So here I am trying to play a little catch up (story of every aspect of my life right now).  I am in the 4th week as a 1L.  I am not sure why they call it that but it means first year law student.  I am not going to lie, it is so challenging, to the point that I daily think to myself, "I don't think I am smart enough for this.  It took me 10 years to get through undergrad and I barely did that!"  I have no friends and I am pretty sure I am not really going to make any.  It is hard to explain the culture in law school.  All the people who got there have this "best of the best" mentality and the woman all act like they have something to prove.  Let's be honest, I have nothing to prove, accept maybe to myself?  But I am no stranger to being the loner and not being liked. I can handle that.  I am sure eventually I will find a few folks who don't mind me.  If not, I will bribe some with beer.  That seems to be what everybody likes to do in law school: study and drink.

So it's challenging and lonely but I will be honest, I love learning about the law.  I always have.  It's kind of why I went.  So when I am sitting there for the 10th consecutive hour reading a case about a guy who doesn't have to be held liable for his paramour's suicide because she isn't his wife, I am fascinated.  I find it all so interesting and I am just trying so hard to keep all this information in my exhausted little brain.  I like it.  I wouldn't rather be anywhere else or doing anything else.  Then of course I close my book and realize it is 9:30 and I have about an hour to hang out with Amir before I have to pass out and he has been patiently finding other things to do so as not to bother me.  That's another new thing.  I have a boyfriend.  And he is so sweet and extremely understanding and he has been so supportive.  I was thinking on my drive home from school today, "He makes me feel like my life isn't too much for me to handle."  That is enough of the sappy nonsense.

All in all, my life is completely different than it was a couple months ago.  I got a new job (10 hours a week), I have a boyfriend, I have my own apartment, I live in Seattle, and I am a law student at the age of 29.  Gotta be honest, I kinda like my new life.  It's a major adjustment for a girl who doesn't like change and made herself sick worrying about it.  In the end (not that this is anywhere near the end) I am pleased with all my decisions and happy to be living my dreams. :)

Feeling Inadequate

I feel like I am 13 years old, standing at the foot of Mt. Rainier with no training, no food, and wearing Keds.   I don’t even want to expand on that.  That is just how I feel right now.