All In

           I try not to use a lot of religious jargon in my blog because I often find it unauthentic, not genuine, and ultimately annoying.  I would rather people know the person that I am, ugly as that is at times, than the person I would like to be.  Something that I heard in a sermon many years ago has been going through my mind over and over again.  I am not going to credit the quote because most will discredit the quote as that man has destroyed his reputation.

            The man said “When going through hell, don’t stop.”  This phrase quickly became just another overused Christian cliché in our church so I guess it got in my head pretty deep because it has been rising to the surface of my mind often lately.  I feel like the last 9 months of my life have truly been hell.  I have had my heart broken pretty tough, worked for the most demanding and frustrating boss I have ever met, gone through the grueling (and expensive) process of law school application, and since I have been accepted, every single aspect of getting to law school has been met with challenges and struggles.  Nothing has been easy.  Even this moment, I am feeling like there is a great possibility that something will go wrong, and I won’t be going.  It has been very hard and very lonely.  The support and encouragement I have received in this process has been little and come form the most unexpected places.  All at the same time I feel so hurt and angered by the people I expected to be there for me as I have always been there for them and so blessed by the amazing people God has recently placed in my life that I didn’t expect to be so amazing. 

             I have chosen to go to Seattle University School of Law and today I cancelled my loans (that I worked so hard to get in the first place!) so that my financial aid award can be processed through SU and I am anxious!  I have been apartment hunting which I enjoy about as much as a root canal.  But at this point, I am all in.  I have put everything I have into this (and that’s before it has even started!) and I am just waiting to see where the chips fall.  I just hope it has not been all for not.