Something happened to me that I am unable to get out of my
head. As I was driving to my
Amir’s house last Friday, I exited the freeway and came to a light. An older woman came up to my passenger
side window and as I rolled down my window a few inches (not far enough for her
to reach in of course). She told
me that she was in need of a ride to dialysis and at a nearby hospital or she
was going to be late. I hesitated. I didn’t know if this woman was
safe. This is a struggle I have
had since I was a child. I don’t
consider myself a stupid woman but I have been told that in compassion, I have
made some stupid decisions (unsafe to be exact). I told the woman I was going to be late myself and I was
sorry but I could not take her.
As soon as I drove away this terrible guilt came over
me. Dialysis is a serious and
necessary procedure. If this woman
truly was going to miss her dialysis appointment, could she die? What if her bus never came and she was
truly desperate. I decided I would
pick Amir up and come back to giver her a ride but when I arrived he was in a
meeting. I was so angry with
myself. I never wanted to be the
person that didn’t take someone at his or her word and help when it is possible
they need help. I never wanted to
become the kind of person that assumes every homeless person is only going to
use any money I give him or her for drugs and therefore justify not giving at
all. And that is what I felt I had
done. I was struggling with safety
v. compassion.
Thankfully, there was a police officer parked in Amir’s
apartment complex so I ran out and told him about the situation. He told me that he thinks that woman is
out there all the time but that he would go ask her if she needed a ride for my
peace of mind. I was relieved but
still upset with myself. Is there
really a right answer? Should I
just forget about safety and do what Jesus would do? Or should I remember that Jesus had foreknowledge of exactly
when he was going to die? I just
don’t believe in choosing safety over compassion. The choice I made wasn’t true to my own values, it was just
the result of 30 years of being 5’3” and getting pushed around. It was the result of 30 years of people
telling me what is safe and what isn’t or getting in trouble for jeopardizing
my safety. It was the result of
the news’ daily reminders that women in America are never safe. It may also be a result of me watching
too many episodes of Cold Case, Bones and Criminal Minds. This conundrum is something that never
seems to stop haunting me. I am
curious to here your thoughts on this issue. Safety or compassion?
Why?
